#and the undiagnosed adhd effects of executive dysfuction combined w my mom telling me i needed to do things was destroying me

[freddieandersen]

i was scrolling back through my posts recently (looking for an indication of when i had eaten a specific ice cream, don't think too much about it) and it was really something to see how much agony i used to hold, how little grace for my own humanity. I didn't think of myself as being self-hating, and I still don't think that's the best way to describe it, but i was very much living my life with the sense that i was in essence a contemptible person (not a belief I held about those around me) and any flaw I displayed would be the final straw that would make everyone I loved discard me. if you are a teenager and you think you need to be beyond reproach in order to be tolerable, please believe me when I say that's not the case. if you are any age please believe me when I say that's not the case. you are not irredeemable; you don't need to be redeemed. you're fine. everyone around you is also flawed. what you see as errors, no one else is even noticing. it's scary to lower your standards, i know it is, but you need to make your standards for yourself something normal. you're already normal; release yourself from the imposed requirement to be superhuman. sleep in late. forget to brush your teeth. procrastinate that thing you don't want to do. forgive yourself. all of those things are normal and fine. please please extend the same compassion and understanding to yourself that you extend to the other people you love.